The Smoke Out
by Kamari Turen
Summary: What happens when Rigby finds a strange plant in the park? Why he shares it with his friends and gets them high, of course. Which then leads to some very weird stuff. One shot, slightly AU. Rated M for language, drug use, and drug references.


It was a day like any other in the park and Rigby the Raccoon was bored out of his mind. His best friend, Mordecai, was off on a date with Margaret and his crush Eileen was at work, so Rigby was left with nothing to do. He supposed he could do the work Benson had assigned him two days earlier, but he didn't really feel like it. Besides, work was no fun and Mordecai's absence would only make it even more boring. And yet Rigby had reached the point where even work would be a welcome relief from this soul crushing boredom. But even that knowledge wasn't enough to motivate him and so he set out in an attempt to find something else to do until Mordecai returned.

The first place Rigby headed was the trailer that served as the home of Mitch Sorenstein, the annoying little twit better known as Muscle Man. To his relief, Muscle Man was relaxing on a lawn chair in front of the trailer, his best friend Hi-Five Ghost hovering near by.

"You guys busy?" Rigby asked, part of him hoping they were.

"What's it look like man?" Muscle Man said, without looking at Rigby.

"It looks like you're being lazy." Rigby muttered. "And disgusting. I mean, do you really have to lay around with no shirt on?"

"Yes." Muscle Man replied. "And who are you to accuse me of being lazy?"

Rigby didn't answer. He knew it had been a little bold of him to call Muscle Man lazy, considering that he wasn't the most productive person in the world. But he didn't care. Muscle Man was always treating him like shit and he would take advantage of every opportunity to fling that shit back in Muscle Man's face.

"What do you want anyway, bro?" Muscle Man asked, his tone questioning.

"Nothing." Rigby muttered, deciding he would rather be bored than hang out with this fat, annoying idiot. And before Muscle Man could think of a reply, Rigby was gone, off to find someone else to hang out with.

His search led him next to the home of Skips the Yeti, but unfortunately for him Skips was too busy to hang out. The same ultimately held true for Benson, Pops, and Thomas the intern, not that Rigby had really wanted to hang out with any of them, least of all Benson. This, of course, still left him with the dilemma of what to do.

He could return to the house and play video games or waste time on the Internet, but neither of those seemed like fun without Mordecai. For that matter neither did watching movies, playing basketball, or annoying Benson. So Rigby just sat on the porch, fiddling with a stray leaf until he finally got fed up with being bored and decided to go for a walk.

* * *

Sometime later, while still on a walk, Rigby came across a plant he had never seen in person before. He hadn't left the park, which only made this discovery stranger. The only time Rigby had ever seen a plant like this it had been in pictures, though he had often dreamed of finding one. If only Mordecai were here. Rigby had always pictured finding this plant with his best friend, but of course Mordecai was too busy having a relationship with Margaret. Rigby supposed he couldn't blame them for that though. They made each other happy and that was better than the alternative. Besides, he was in a relationship with Eileen, so he understood Mordecai's desire to spend time with Margaret. Still, it would have been nice to have someone to share this moment with, as Rigby could think of all kinds of fun stuff to do with this plant.

"Maybe I'll just take it back to the house." he muttered. "Yeah, that seems like a good plan. Mordecai will be back eventually. Maybe he'll even bring Margaret and Eileen with him. That'd be sweet." He grinned then, as more images of the fun they could have filled his mind. The only issue was finding a way to get the plant back to the house without alerting Benson.

As Rigby pondered this problem he noticed something about the plant he hadn't before. It was glowing, a soft, green light radiating from it like the light of the sun. The glow was slightly unnerving and Rigby was fairly certain marijuana didn't glow like that, but he ultimately decided it wasn't worth worrying about. Maybe the glow was a sign of something special. Perhaps this was a particularly powerful strain of marijuana that would get Rigby and his friends higher than any other strain. And if that was the case, then Rigby couldn't wait to get it home and smoke it.

With that thought in mind, Rigby turned and pulled the plant up by the roots, before rushing back to the house. To his relief Benson wasn't there and neither were Skips, Pops, or Muscle Man. Even Thomas was nowhere to be found, which was fine with Rigby, as he now had plenty of time to stash the plant before anyone else could find it.

He headed up to his and Mordecai's room after quickly gathering some dirt from the lawn. Once he was in his room he stuffed the dirt into an empty Styrofoam cup and crammed the plant in on top of it. He then turned his attention to the Internet, hoping to find some information about making a bong or a pipe.

* * *

An hour or so later, just as Rigby was finishing work on his home made bong, Mordecai, Margaret, and Eileen entered, all of them laughing at some joke one of them had undoubtedly just told. They didn't seem to notice Rigby at first and then Eileen's eyes went wide, her gaze falling on the bong in Rigby's lap.

"Uh, hey Eileen." Rigby stammered, doing his best to look innocent.

"Hey Rigby." Eileen said, with a shy smile. "What's that you've got there?"

"Nothing in particular." he replied, grinning. "Just a project I was working on to pass the time." He noticed Mordecai watching him with a look of suspicion and mouthed "what?" before turning his attention back to Eileen.

"Oh, okay." Eileen said. "How was your day?"

"Boring as hell." Rigby replied. "With you at work and Mordecai and Margaret on a date, I had literally nothing to do."

"You could have done the work Benson assigned you." Mordecai said, his tone serious.

"Yeah, right." Rigby muttered. "Like I'd actually do that. Work is boring and not having you around makes it even worse."

"You poor baby." Mordecai said, rolling his eyes. "I'm so sorry to hear that I'm that-" He paused, his gaze falling on the plant. "Dude, is that weed?"

Rigby glanced over his shoulder and shrugged. "Yeah, maybe it is." he said. "I found it in the park. So what? Are you gonna report me to Benson?"

"No." Mordecai answered. "I'm just wondering what you plan on doing with it."

"I'm gonna smoke it, of course." Rigby said, grinning. "That's what this is for." He held up the bong in a salute.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Eileen asked. "What if you get caught?"

"I'm not worried about that." Rigby said, his tone full of confidence. "Besides, what's Benson gonna do, fire me? He threatens me with that crap every day. If he was actually serious about that, he'd have fucking done it by now."

"Yeah, but this could be the thing that finally pushes him over the edge." Mordecai said. "Is that a risk you really want to take?"

"I don't care man." Rigby said. "Benson can have my job for all I care. I just wanna have some fun. You guys wanna join me?"

"I don't think we should Rigby." Eileen said. "Margaret and I could lose our jobs if we do."

"Fair enough." Rigby said. "What about you Mordecai?"

"I don't know dude." Mordecai said. "Eileen's right, there's a lot of risk involved, and I'm not just talking about getting fired. Weed is illegal. We could go to prison if we get caught."

"Oh come on man." Rigby said. "You're not really gonna let the man hold you down, are you? You never have before."

"He's got a point." Margaret said, speaking for the first time. "You have always been a bit of a rebel Mordecai and I for one find that pretty sexy. I think we should take Rigby up on the offer."

Mordecai and Eileen stared at her in shock, while Rigby nodded in agreement, seeming to appreciate Margaret taking his side. For a long moment no one spoke and then Mordecai broke the silence. "Are you sure?" he asked, his question directed at Margaret.

"Yes." she answered. "The only other thing I've been more sure of was staring this relationship with you."

"Okay, then let's do this." Mordecai said, glancing at Rigby, who was grinning like he'd just won a bet or something.

"What about you Eileen, are you in?" Margaret asked, with a questioning glance at her friend, who was still looking uncertain.

"Oh, what the heck." Eileen muttered, after another moment of silence. "Let's do it."

"Excellent." Rigby said, grinning as he pulled a bud off the plant and stuffed it into the bowl of his makeshift bong.

"One question before we begin." Margaret said, as Rigby lit the bowl. "Why is the plant glowing like that?"

"No idea." Rigby muttered. "But I assume it has something to do with how awesome this weed is going to be."

Margaret nodded, seeming to accept his explanation, and Rigby took the first hit, the smoke filling his lungs with a sweet euphoria he had never felt before.

No sooner had they begun when there was a knock at the door. Confused, Rigby glanced at the others, but they all seemed too pot addled to respond, so he stumbled over to the door and opened it. To his horror Benson was standing in the hallway, along with Skips, Pops, Muscle Man, Fives, and Thomas. Benson wore a serious look and for a moment Rigby thought he was screwed, until Benson smiled, the simple act making Rigby do a double take.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Benson asked, his tone still serious.

"Nothing man." Mordecai said from somewhere behind Rigby. "We're just chillin'."

"Yeah right bro." Muscle Man said. "From where I stand it looks like you guys are getting high or something."

"So what if we are." Margaret said, her tone defensive. "We have a right to have fun."

"Relax Margaret, we're not here to bust you." Skips said, his tone amused.

"You're not?" Rigby asked, confused again. He had thought for sure that they were here to break up the party, but they seemed to be genuine in their claims that they weren't.

"No, we're not." Benson said. "We're here to join you."

"Bullshit." Rigby said. "You don't smoke weed. Well, maybe Muscle Man does. And Thomas, I could see him being a stoner. But not Skips or Pops, and certainly not you Benson."

"Oh how little you know us Rigby." Benson said, almost laughing. "Maybe if you weren't messing around all the time you'd have picked up on the fact that I'm not always an uptight control freak who, quite frankly, enjoys bossing you around."

"Okay, well, if you're really the chill dude you claim to be, then prove it." Rigby said, handing Benson the bong.

"It would be my pleasure." Benson said, before lighting the bowl and taking a massive hit while the others watched in amazement.

* * *

Hours later Rigby lay on the floor covered in chips and cheese whiz, his mind wandering into new and previously unexplored dimensions. Smoke hung thick in the room, a hazy fog of pure euphoric bliss. Rigby was vaguely aware of his friends sitting around him, but they were fuzzy and indistinct, as though he was looking at them through frosted glass.

"Heh, Benson's a fucking stoner." he muttered. "Who would have guessed."

"Dude, shut up and light another bowl." Mordecai muttered from somewhere to Rigby's left, his voice just as fuzzy and indistinct as his form.

Rigby reached out for the bong, but found he couldn't touch it or see it. Instead, all he could see and feel were colors swimming all around him, the shades melding and blending to form new colors Rigby had never seen before. The colors were entrancing and Rigby slowly found himself forgetting about anyone or anything else. All that mattered were the colors and how they made him feel. It was a wonderful feeling and for a moment Rigby wondered if this was what true love felt like, before deciding that it wasn't important.

Rigby wasn't the only one who was tripping out, though the others seemed to each be experiencing their own unique visions. Eileen was curled up in a ball, muttering about stars and the substance of the universe. Skips seemed to have taken an unnatural interest in his own hands. Benson was deep in conversation with some invisible being, though Rigby assumed that Benson could see it. Mordecai and Margaret were simply sitting on the floor, staring at each other, as though each thought the other was the most interesting thing in the world. Muscle Man, Thomas and Fives were still guzzling ice cream by the carton, all three of them completely oblivious to what was going on around them. And Pops was dancing around in circles, muttering something about butterflies. Rigby pulled himself away from his colors for a moment to watch Pops in his childlike glee, the sight making him smile inside.

"Look at the pretty butterflies." Pops exclaimed, his tone that of a child on Christmas morning. "Look at how they glow."

Rigby smiled again, glad Pops was enjoying himself, before diving back into the colors, all other things once again forgotten.

* * *

Rigby wasn't sure how long he swam in the colors, but he was certain it had been more than an hour by the time he finally surfaced. The room was still full of smoke and his friends were much as he had left them, though Mordecai and Margaret seemed to have moved on to different fascinations. Sensing that now was his best shot, Rigby crawled over to Mordecai, all of his senses screaming for him to share the colors.

"The colors dude." he said. "Mordecai the colors. I can feel them dude. They're inside me." He paused for a moment, a sudden pain stabbing him in the gut. "Ow!" he squealed. "Mordecai the colors are hurting me. Make them stop."

But Mordecai did not respond, making Rigby's senses fly into overdrive. "Mordecai?" he asked, glancing at his friend, who was sitting still as a statue. "Mordecai, what's wrong with you dude? Why won't you answer me?"

It was then that Rigby noticed that Mordecai wasn't even paying attention to him and he suddenly realized something was very wrong. Mordecai was staring straight ahead, his gaze focused on something that wasn't there, his eyes wide and bulging in a disturbing fashion. Rigby felt his insides go cold as he realized he had done this, that it was all somehow connected to the weed.

But how and what exactly had he done? None of it made any sense and Rigby was still too high to focus on the details. He needed someone smarter than him, someone who could make sense of this madness even of they were stoned.

"Eileen!" he cried, the answer suddenly hitting him like a hammer to the face. He glanced around, finally spotting Eileen curled in a ball on the far side of the room.

He quickly made his way over to her, only to find that she was in much the same state as Mordecai. Her eyes were also wide and bulging, though she seemed to be consciously aware of what was going on. "Eileen, can you here me?" Rigby asked, his tone strained.

Eileen made no response and for a moment Rigby felt like he was going to lose his mind. But he quickly shook the feeling off and poked Eileen hard in the shoulder. "Damn it Eileen, wake the hell up!" he shouted, the sound of his voice echoing in the silent room.

Eileen jumped at the sound and came to, her gaze unfocused as she tried to clear her mind. "R-Rigby?" she asked, her voice a shaky whisper.

"Yeah, it's me." he said, his tone reassuring, though he was somehow aware that this was the most intimate he had ever been with her.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice still shaky.

"I don't know." Rigby answered. "We were getting stoned and then everything went wonky. What's the last thing you remember?"

"I remember seeing stars." Eileen said. "They were talking to me and then a giant black hole swallowed them up and I felt nothing. Did that happen to you?"

"Yeah, kind of." Rigby muttered. "Only mine was with colors. I think it's happening to the others as well."

"What's causing it?" Eileen asked, both curious and afraid.

"I'm not sure, but I think it's connected to the weed." Rigby replied.

"That doesn't make sense though." Eileen said. "Marijuana isn't strictly a hallucinogen, unless it's mixed with something else, like LSD."

"Or it's crazy space pot." Rigby muttered, amazed by Eileen's knowledge of the herb.

"Crazy space pot?" Eileen asked, confused. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, it was glowing all weird like, wasn't it?" Rigby said. "What else would make it do that, unless it's some kind of crazy space pot?"

Eileen looked skeptical, but she nodded in agreement anyway and changed the subject. "Well, whatever it is, we need to get the others out of its grasp before we lose them forever." she said, her tone serious.

Rigby nodded and they set about rousing the others, staring with Mordecai and Margaret. It wasn't an easy task to accomplish, especially since Mordecai and Margaret seemed to be in a deeper trance than Eileen had, but finally, after several tries, they managed to rouse the two from their bug eyed state.

"Ugh, what happened?" Mordecai asked, his tone confused.

"You were trapped in some kind of weird alternative state of being." Eileen answered. "I was too, but Rigby woke me. We think it's connected to the marijuana somehow."

"I knew that glow was suspicious." Margaret said, with an accusing glance at Rigby.

"It's not his fault Margaret." Eileen said. "Rigby didn't know what the weed would do or what the glow meant. He just wanted to have fun."

"Yeah, and that fun turned into a fucking nightmare." Mordecai said. "As usual. Way to go dude." He also shot Rigby an accusing glare, but quickly softened when he saw the apologetic look on Rigby's face.

"Look, I know I messed up, but Eileen is right. All I wanted was to have some fun with my friends." Rigby said. "Is that so wrong?"

"No, I guess not." Mordecai said. "Look, let's talk about this later, when we're less stoned and have all our friends back from their alternative states or whatever."

The others nodded in agreement, but before they could act a great, booming laugh stopped them short.

"You will never have your friends back." a deep, rattling voice said. "They are mine now, as you shall be once I invade your minds again."

"Who the hell are you dude?" Mordecai asked, glancing around the room.

"Dude, it's the plant." Rigby cried, pointing at the pot plant, which was now standing on two legs made of roots. "I knew it was crazy space pot."

"No Rigby." the plant said. "I am not from space. I am the mystic source of all weed, the Elder Pot and I cannot be stopped once I have been smoked by fools like you."

"Oh yeah, we'll see about that." Rigby shouted, as he hurled the bong at the Elder Pot with all the force he could muster.

"Fool, I cannot be stopped by a tool of the trade." the Elder Pot said. "I am all powerful in this realm. Your efforts are wasted."

"What do you want from us?" Margaret asked, her voice shaking, as though she was afraid to hear the answer.

"I want your minds." the Elder Pot answered. "I want your deepest thoughts and desires. That is what sustains me. And now that you have summoned me via the Smoke Out, I will have what I desire, one way or another."

"But why us?" Eileen asked. "Why did you choose us?"

"Because feeble minds are easier to ensnare." the Elder Pot answered. "I knew a fool like Rigby couldn't resist the urge to share me with his friends and so I called out to him, knowing that he would do my bidding. After all, he only wants to have fun with his friends, but none of you are ever available for him to hang out with. I took advantage of that weakness and used it to draw you all in."

By this time the others had somehow come to, though they seemed unable to comprehend what was going on. They had heard the Elder Pot's words however and knew it was correct. They had all been ignoring Rigby lately and this was on them, not him.

"You see, I am right." the Elder Pot said, drawing everyone's attention. "Do not resist me. Your dreams will be painless. And you Rigby, you should be thanking me. After all, I'm giving you what you wanted."

"You think so?" Rigby asked from the doorway. "Cuz I think you're full of shit. Yes, I wanted to hang with my friends, but not like this. Not in some messed up world where our thoughts aren't our own."

"What are you going to do Rigby?" the Elder Pot asked. "I am all powerful here. You cannot stop me."

"Yes I can." Rigby said. "With this." He pulled a bottle of weed killer from behind his back and grinned. "See you in hell, you ugly plant." With that he launched himself at the Elder Pot, opening the bottle as he did so. The chemicals spilled all over the plant as he sailed by and the Elder Pot screamed in pain before folding in on itself like a pocket of negative energy. Rigby hit the wall behind the plant and rolled to a stop in front of Mordecai, Margaret, and Eileen. For a long moment no one moved and then slowly they each began to regain their senses.

With the Elder Pot gone the smoke began to dissipate and the haze in everyone's minds began to clear. Rigby lay on the floor, breathing heavily as he tried to catch his breath. A whole two minutes passed before he realized Eileen was kneeling beside him, her expression concerned.

"Rigby, are you okay?" she asked, her tone concerned as well.

"Yeah, I'm fine." he said. "Didn't think that would actually work though."

"Which part bro?" Muscle Man asked. "The part where you got us high on mystic elder pot, or the part where you destroyed the plant with weed killer?"

"The second part." Rigby said. "And I'm sorry for doing that to you guys."

"Hey, it was fun, at first." Skips said. "But in all seriousness, we're sorry too Rigby. We shouldn't have ignored you like that."

"Yeah dude." Mordecai said. "I promise to hang out with you more often, like we used to do. I'm sure Margaret won't have a problem with that."

"Of course not." Margaret said, smiling.

"Thanks guys." Rigby said, appreciating their words.

"You're welcome." Benson said. "We'll hang out with any time. Just don't bring any more weed to the party, okay. One time with that weird stuff was enough."

Rigby nodded and everyone laughed, all of them glad things were back to normal or as normal as things could ever be in the park.

**End.**

**A/N: And that's my first Regular Show fic. Obviously Regular Show isn't mine. It is the property of J.G. Quintel and Cartoon Network, though it would be awesome if it was mine. Anyway, this idea just came to me one day and wasn't really inspired by anything in particular. I just thought it would be fun and would work within the context of the show. Also, as with Fertile Green, this fic is not meant to be an endorsement of marijuana use, nor is it meant to be a condemnation of marijuana use. It is simply meant to be funny, which I think it is. So there you go. Hope you enjoyed. Cheers, Kamari Turen. **


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